Friday, October 4, 2013

Désolé

I'm sorry you have to look at me,
it's my deepest regret.
You do not deserve, a face such as this,
In your peripherals,
unhinging your bliss.
How do you not flee with terror, 
when I lazily come near.
Do I not ruin your day,
when I happen to stare?
Ruddy skin,
scuzzy and drab.
Craters intrude,
on my already mishapped mask.
DON'T YOU DARE TELL ME I'M PRETTY!
For I know this is a lie.
Don't give me false hope,
when I already want to die.
The truth hurts, but I've learned to take it.
Ugly am I, has become an understatement.
My disfigurement is beginning to flame,
with embarasement and shame.
My dark portals spring a leak,
salty and strained.
Why do they continue to taunt me,
for circumstances beyond my control?
God made me this way,
so he must make mistakes....
Albeit, it may be a blessing,
one marvelously clothed.
I don't have to look in the mirror, I don't have to look at myself. 
Yet, you my unfortunate peers do not have that choice.
You are cursed into looking into this face, damned into looking into this soul.
What's painful for me,
must be unbearable for you.
I am truly sorry that you have to look at me,
I apologize for the agony I may evoke.
I am sorry you have to look at me,
I pray for an invisible cloak.

 

Tuesday, October 1, 2013

Lunch Alone

This year is the first year since seventh grade (5 years), that I've been eating lunch by myself. It sucks sometimes, but at least I get to eat as messy as I want without random stares! Or are they staring at me either way because I've become the freak that eats lunch alone??? Hmm......

Munch, munch,
Bite, bite,
Chew, chew.
Swallow,
repeat.
Nothing in between.
Staring at the blood brick wall.
Picking up the intricate detail.
Realizing the pointed  precision.
A trait that you would fail to perceive, if pale white skin, dirty blond hair, or dark green eyes were reflecting yours.
You pick through the greens, reds, and purple flecks on your plate.
You put more thoughts into motions, for fear of losing some of the normalcy you may still contain.
Only a freak sits by herself.
A plague to be avoided,
is that what I became?
Voices surround you, none of them yours.
Voices surround you, they don't want you to be heard. 
Pangs of jealousy for those with friends,
Pangs of heartache, for your solitude will never end.  
Life of a loner, 
Isolated,
Content.
For I'd rather eat lunch alone for the rest of all time,
If it means avoiding meaningless chats and pointless rhymes.

Tuesday, September 17, 2013

Without A Doubt, My Life is Coming to an End

     For my first English assignment of senior year, our teacher asked us what we knew for sure. Initially I had no clue. So, I asked my parents and while my mother gave a comical answer, my father gave a practical one, death. So the next night I called him up and told him I was taking his idea and he questioned if writing an essay on death would be too morbid for an Expository writing class. Hmm, you be the judge..... (As a side-note, there were originally four paragraphs but I thought the second one was too wordy, and the essay worked fine without it. If your ever interested in seeing the rest, just leave a comment(:)

     Born into a world enveloped by the venomous sins times seven. We obliterate ourselves by participating in wrathful behavior, greed incorporating its way into our major veins. We become slothen as the years proceed, waiting for our bodies to demise. Prideful are the ones who relentlessly work but refuse to avail the ill willed, lust causing prolonged pained, with momentous pleasure. We become green when we look towards our neighbors with emulous eyes, and we begin to think with our stomachs, torturing our bodies, curtailing our lives. Yes, humans are innately sinful. We are our own short-comings. Alas, it is impossible to live a life without succumbing to the ill-will of the devil. Years of venality will eventually lead to our quietus. Death is the one thing in life that is for certain.

       In precedence, although written down somewhere in a classified book, are the dates of our guaranteed deaths, there may be times when we are near the thresholds of our eternity and just barely abscond with our being intact. Probably one of the most frightening, miraculous, and humbling experiences of my life, did not even happen to me. It was a chilly fall day in 2005. My sister who is four years my senior, got off of her bulky middle school bus and unlocked the portal of what could have been the last day of her thirteen year old life. Fatigue struck her tiny body as if she hadn't slept in years. So much so, that she ignored the peculiar smell encompassing our home, and dozed off almost immediately. About 15 miles down the road, our mother was on her way from a grueling day at work to finish out her day at the bank before its doors closed. At the back of her mind though, she felt as if someone was gravitating her away from the bank and towards her home. Without a rhyme or reason she turned her 1997 silver Toyota Camry around and went back to our place of dwelling. Fast-forward ninety minutes and it's my turn to walk up our jarring driveway. As I make my way off of the mustard yellow bus, I see my sister waiting for me with a flushed look on her face. She walks me towards our neighbors house and explains it all to my callow mind. Our gas tank had sprung a leak and had been releasing toxic fumes into our home. Had it not been for my mothers unconscious feelings of impending doom, my sister would have been dead within the hour. When you experience a moment like this, it forces you to take a step back and realize how we are at the brink of deaths every single day of our lives. We do not know the day, not even the year of our ultimate ending. All we know is that each and every one of our spirits will transcend from our bodies, and from there we can only hypothesize what will happen next. From this event I've learned to cherish the people I love, for it will never be the money nor the potential successes I may accumulate in life, it is the people that matter. Our expiration from this world is impending, for that I am sure. What I will do on this Earth to leave my mark, is what I am uncertain of.

       In cessation, if I had to pinpoint one thing in life that I knew for sure, It would be that I am going to die. This summer, my mother attended three funerals, one for a woman in her thirties, one in her early fifties, and a man that was nearing ninety. What this says to me is that death may come at anytime! This may be the last essay I write or I may be writing essays for the next eighty years. We as human beings are incapable of knowing what our final moments will be. In some ways it is a tormenting curse and in others a blessing. The fact that we do know that there will be a final curtain call one day, should motivate us to live our lives to the fullest. We should try to stray ourselves from the evils of earthly desires. We should live for the ones we love, and the ones who love us. For one day, there will be no tomorrow. All we will have are our yesterdays.

Friday, September 6, 2013

Goldwyn

So, this summer I fell in love with ABC's Scandal. I think Tony Goldwyn as President Fitzgerald Grant is completely and utterly gorgeous. This inspired me to write a poem of why falling in love with an older man would be better than loving a younger man. So, here goes nothing....

Wisdom coursing his every beat,
Beauty from his inner,
Shining on his outer,
Daunting in size,
Yet affable by nature,
Wisps of gray swindle it's way into his coif,
This subtle detail, fine tunes his sexy,
Making me all the more Daintree in his presence,
A creased visage,
reinforces his intellect.
So suave is my vanilla sky,
inhaling my scent.
His voice, deep as cherry oak,
invades my vicinity,
making it difficult to think,
promising to make it formidable for me to walk.
A geriatric man,
is a man with ease
A geriatric man,
isn't hard to please.
Skilled are his fingers,
daint is his touch,
pointed are his words,
is that asking too much?
Sexy in style,
classy with grace.
Yes my old man can bring me to my knees,
For my old man, is a man indeed.

Wednesday, September 4, 2013

Killing Me Softly

"Pain enveloping my inner,
Grief entering my outer.
The notion of life without my other, is a life I'd hesitate to live"

Blissful and beautiful were we,
Young and naive.
We thought love could get us through the worst,
we thought love could make it last.
When the ill times came,
We weren't prepared to cope.
When the devil left Pandora's box at our doorsteps,
you reached in and were engulfed by temptation.
There was a time when love was enough. Is it still?
What is right in our minds,
may not be right in our hearts.
What once was heart-clenching, mind numbing love,
you excuse as an ecstasy induced phase.
Blinded are you by the evils of the world.
So easy is it to let the devil in,
But in time you'll want him out, you will need him out to keep your life, or what little existence remains.
When you are ready to give in to the will of the Lord,
after being dead for so many years,
You'll find yourself among the elderly, weak and frail.
You'll find yourself by yourself, alone and isolated.
For all those years you've spent in the dark, has left you dim.
Ignorant to the tearful pleas of those who loved you,
Or who loved who you once were.
Their voices have tired,
their defenses, have weakened.
They had to leave,
Better one dead than two.
For when you kill yourself with the evils of the world,
You are bludgeoning the ones around you as well.

I wrote this in the perspective of a woman who has been cheated on way too long. She loves her husband, but she now realizes that there comes a point where you have to start living for yourself again. She understands that if she continues to stay in this poisoned relationship, with this treacherous man, her soul will die before her body.

Monday, September 2, 2013

Will I Ever Be Enough?

I said "I love you",
Why won't you listen?
I cried, "I love you",
downstairs in the kitchen.
I screamed, "I love you",
You reply, "Shut the Fuck Up",
You beat me down,
I crawl back up,
You spit on me,
It turns to dust,
I said, "I love you",
You reply, "Give it up".

Our Love is a Burning Fire in the Rain

Chocolate kiss,
Chocolate love,
Chocolate lust.
You stay on my mind,
You've left a dent im my lobe,
I can't stop thinking, I won't stop thinking,
Thinking of what is,
Wondering what could be.
I love you, I want you, I need you, I breathe you,
When I am away, I do not hesitate to shed tears,
You're so sweet, my chocolate mystery
You are strong, I am weak.
Chocolate kiss,
Chocolate love,
Chocolate lust.
You're hugs are like kryptonite,
They power my day.
So warm in your arms, it's where I need to stay.
Shelter me baby, from the dangers of the night,
When you speak, I break,
Your voice so smooth,
When you touch, I melt,
Your kiss so soft,
My heart is cold,
You are my furnace.
I love you, I want you, I need you, I breathe you,
Falling into your arms,
Falling into your love,
My hand brushes your hair,
Your hand caresses my leg,
Our eyes intertwine,
My lips tickle your cheek, 
So warm, so warm, how are you so warm,
I open my eyes and there you aren't,
Melted on the floor.
An apparition, a blur, a lie, a tale.
My chocolate kiss,
My chocolate love,
My chocolate lust,
Dead in the night, gone from sight.....

I wrote this after listening to the song 'Just My Imagination' by The Temptations. It's about unrequited love. Loving someone so much, that you begin to trick your mind to think that one day they may love you back, but in the end it's not true. They never will. It's a pipe dream, a fantasy, just your imagination.

Wednesday, August 28, 2013

Feather

Take a deep breath....
Do you feel that?
You are alive, but are you living ?
You are conscious, but are you aware?
Is someone in there?
Death is a word filled with negativity, violence, and hate.
Death is cold.
Death is silent.
Death is freedom.
If you are like me, if you are like some,
You see the light, you see the promise,
The promise to an end.
An end to all fear, an end to all pain.
The finale of a journey,
A story yet to be told.
If you are like me, if you are like some,
You can't take no more, you don't want no more.
Your eyes burn with unshed tears,
Your arms sting, from the battle-wounds of your torment.
You are ready to give up.
You don't have enough.
You've given all you've got.
Bring me to the light.
Dead so long, I have been dead so long.
If you are like me, if you are like some,
You don't want to die, but
You don't want to live.
You just want to be numb,
Death is numb.
You just want the misery to go away,
Death is without misery.
You just want to be loved,
With death, what is love, love will cease to exist,
And so will I.
This feels so smooth, sliding down my throat,
Is ten enough?
No, it seduces me to twenty.
My brain turns to fuzz,
My mind is mush.
Free at last, free at last, thank God Almighty, I am free at last. 
Five minutes down, two to go.
Life,
What was life?
I wasn't living, I was existing.
Death was already within me, it just needed a push,
A release.
In this last minute, I breathe.
I see....a future,
Now beyond reach.
I see a CEO, proud, black, and a woman.
I see a mother to two beautiful children.
I see a husband, supportive, kind, and caring.

At the time, life meant nothing.
If you are not like me, if you are not like some,
If you would have waited,
You would have seen, that pain is temporary,
Those melancholy feelings will die, Giving you the chance to live.
If you are like me, if you are like some,
Will you wonder who will find you,
In those final moments of life?
A mother, a brother, a sister, or a friend?
As my eyes come to a close, I hear, her screaming a name,
A name, I think, once belonged to me.
I can't tell if I'm drifting up,
Or if I'm drifting down,
But I am definitely drifting.

For colored girls who have considered suicide when the rainbow is enuf,
Don't.
Death is inevitable, death will come,
But life,
Life is but a moment,
In the spectrum, we call time.

My Struggle

Tempted by curiosity  were the ones who brought evil within this world,
Tempted by greed was the one, who betrayed the Messiah,
Lust tempted David as he watched her bathe,
Glutinous temptation, coursed through the eighth Henry's veins,
And murderous  temptation arose in Cain, because the jealousy stung to much.
We see throughout history,
That giving in to our temptations will direct us towards a negative path.
A few moments of submitting to our earthly desires,
Will give us nothing but heartache and misery.
To ease that pain, we repeat,
To forget the despair,
and relive the thrill,
It becomes a never ending cycle,
An addiction at best.
Sin is so easy. Pure is so hard.
We can hide our sins in a warm black sheet.
If we wear white they will show, revealing our torment, our weaknesses.  Always remember, what's done in the shadows of the night,
Will always reveal itself in the ablaze of day,
If not now, then later........

Something to Ponder.....

Ignore, ignorance,
The root of the word is the same,
But do you think it's better if people are ignorant,
Oblivious to the world around them,
Good or bad.
Or is it better that they are informed,
Educated on the world around us,
The good and the bad.
Adam and Eve were ignorant to the world around them,
Until they sinned.
They lived a high quality of life,
In a bubble protected from what the true evils this world is capable of.
They had no worries.
They lived in bliss.
But they chose the life of the damned.
The life where there is pain, heartache,
Death.
They became informed,
They became educated.
So I'll ask again,
Is being ignorant such a bad thing?

Generation X

All I want to say is that they don't really care about us.
They don't, they won't,
We are a minority, they are a majority.
They want the weak to fade.
We don't need them to stay.
Before our home was intruded by porcelain,
We had nations far and wide.
There were kings and queens all with black faces,
Palaces inscribed with our true names,
Not our given names,
Given by our captors, that we still use today.
We let greed get the better of us,
That's how they caught us.
We exchanged pennies for people.
We didn't care about us,
How can we believe that they would ever care about us?
Those same Judas's that sold our people out,
Became the same Uncle Tom's that continue to beckon,
Yes suh.
Never, no suh.
It's time to reclaim our people.
Restore ourselves to our former glory.
Start from fresh,
We can be generation X.

We didn't land on Plymouth Rock, Plymouth Rock landed on us~~~ Malcolm X

Cryptic World

When I was young, I believed God cried when it rained,
Cried for me, cried for you,
Cried for the dead,
The murdered,
The children with no homes,
The bad people whose souls were dead before their bodies,
Now I know the science behind rain,
But that doesn't mean I can't believe just the same,
This world is nothing but crazy,
Crazy good, but unfortunately also, crazy bad.
When tragedies happen such as Newtown, 9/11, Boston,
We turn are attention to the murderers, not the murdered,
We say this world has no hope, no chance,
How far humanity has fallen,
But what about the people who risked their lives saving others,
The people who brought candles to vigils,
The families of the victims,
They didn't hurt anybody but because one person did,
That means the world has no hope.
False, after those tragedies I've never seen more hope.
People banding together to help people they never knew. Hope.
People giving their money to aide victims. Hope.
People opening their homes to give whatever they can. Hope.
So don't tell me there is no hope in humanity,
When Jesus suffered a violent death to give hope to humanity.
For every wrong done within our world,
Think of the ten more rights done as well.

Practice...

Your life isn't worth diamonds,
It is not worth rubies,
Not even gold,
Your life is worth an eternity,
Your looks will fade,
Your hair wil gray,
Your memory may even stray,
But your soul is here to stay,
It will last forever and a day,
Nobodies perfect,
Everybody sins,
God forgives,
When you come to him with an open heart,
Your sins will depart,
Bringing forward a feeling of relief,
And a fresh start.
When you accept His love,
Your soul will live,
In eternal bliss

How I feel....

Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me
False
Words hurt, and they hurt like a female dog,
The difference between sticks and stones is that,
Although they may cause excruciating pain for a while,
The pain stops eventually,
The bruises fade,
And before you know it you're healed,
And that pain that once seemed everlasting,
Becomes a distant memory.
Words have no time limit.
The things people say to you can linger inside of you and eat you up.
When you keep on hearing the negative,
Then the positive begin to seem like lies.
The postives become a dim voice, competing with the "uglies, stupids, & fats",
All being blasted on a megatron.
It can't compete.
It won't win.
As the words begin to take a permanent place in your head,
It turns your mind into a black abyss, swimming with negativity,
When you can't escape the darkness,
And the pain gets to hard to bear,
You can not think,
You can not function,
You can not distinguish right and wrong,
You are merely existing, not living,
You're trapped in a sea of hate towards yourself,
It gets so bad, you don't remember why you're sad in the first place.....
You just are.
Be careful of the words that you choose to use towards another living being,
They have feelings just like you have....or once did.
One day, you may say the wrong words,
To the wrong person,
And that person has been trapped, for a tad too long.

I wrote this after an incident at school where someone told me, "You two are one of the ugliest mother fuckers I've ever seen". I usually don't let comments get to me but this one tortured me for months. Writing this really, helped me to cope with the feelings of distraught I had and I eventually got over it. He's in all level 3 (lowest level class) anyways lol.

Aaliyah

At your best you are love,
The sky is golden, shining with opportunities,
Looking up into the vast sky, is a world of the unknown, the unexplored, and the undeveloped. The only way to change this is to live to YOUR fullest potential.
YOU have the power to make it known,
YOU have the power to explore,
And,
You can turn the smallest seed of an idea, to a beautiful, developed fruit tree.
You're a positive motivating force within my life,
When I look at you I see the stars,
Because you are looking down on me from mars,
You inspire me to do better,
Be stronger,
Achieve greater,
When I feel like giving up,
I picture you in the back if my head,
Picture your achievements,
Your hardships,
And I remove the word can't from my vocabulary,
You are the gas within my tank,
You are the fuel that keeps me going,
Never wonder why,
Thank-you for letting me try
And if you ever feel the need to wonder why,
Don't,
Stop over-thinking things,
Stop with the would of, should of, wish I could of,
Learn to accept things and people as the way they are,
For now,
If people don't want to change,
And you've done all you can to help them,
It's time to cut the ties,
Let them loose,
If you keep going back to self-destructive people,
They will lead you down,
A dark, dirty, and lonely path.
Who's going to help you then?
It's okay to be selfish every now and then,
Because if you keep on doing for others,
Who's going to do onto you?

Word of the Day:
No- a negative used to express dissent, denial, or refusal, as in response to a question or request

HEY YOU....

Just a friendly reminder that you are perfect.
God doesn't make mistakes,
So when He made you,
He used His skilled fingers to form,
A brilliant, beautiful human being,
And that was you,
Unlike us, God doesn't half-butt anything,
You were made through intricate thought,
And magnificent procession,
You came from God,
So naturally,
You are perfect!

Injustice

There was this boy,
A real good boy, he caused no trouble,
But then he fell, he fell so hard,
So hard in love,
And there were these boys, these real bad boys,
They felt so jealous,
For she was, a very fine girl, yes a very fine girl,
So they conceived a bad idea,
An awful idea,
So, as he worked out, trying to better his health,
These boys, these terrible boys,
Dropped a weight on his head, 
And there, yes there he lay, defenseless and dead,
They tucked him away, to be found on another day,
And those boys, those horrible boys,
Walked away, far away,
To a light a glorious light,
That poor Kendrick Johnson, would never see again.
And those boys, those terrible boys, they got off
Because they had skin, very pale skin.
Does this sound familiar? Because it should,
For there was a boy, a very dark boy named Emmett Till,
And he whistled,
at a woman, a very white woman,
He didn't know that in the south he would be killed,
For telling a woman, a very fine woman,
How fine she was.
You know the story, so I won't repeat, for it's just too sad,
But those men, you know those men, 
That killed Emmett Till,
They got off, with no charge, no charge at all,
There'll be no justice, no justice at all for these young men,
Their bodies, will begin to rot,
Flies will have a meal,
Oh the smell,
No prom, no prom for them,
No not at all,
So the prejudice, we thought was gone, oh so far gone,
Is here and here to stay, until we bring,
Kendrick Johnson's killers, to the light, the very bright light,
Because the boy, that very young boy's death,
Was not accidental, no not that,
No not at all.......

Practice...

People are using Google alot now adays, looking for answers.
But what people don't realize is that google only gives us temporary answers.
If you're looking for everlasting answers, use what people have been using for centuries, The Bible.
All answers are found through God.
He gave us this tool and we keep it at our night stands, to make us feel safe and secure.
Sometimes we'll even glance at it longingly, with the knowledge that we should read it, but something is preventing you from doing so, so you'll come up with the excuse of fatigue and say maybe you'll do it tomorrow.
But one day there will be no tomorrow. So tonight, please don't just glance, read.
And, don't just read, understand.

Anti-Ivory

Your skin is a beautiful thing,
Brown yet bold is it, Dark yet lovely,
It stands tall when people try to knock it down,
"You can't come here because you're brown",
Many have said this and will continue to say this,
But, next time, remember this, Brown Stands Firm,
When it's sick, it's not green,
When it's sad, it's not red,
When it's scared, it's not white,
And, when it's dead, it's not purple. Melanin is is a beautiful thing, your skin is a beautiful thing.
It's brown, it's beautiful, and it's here to stay.

Fine Wine

Grace, beauty, elegance,
Words that come to mind, when I think of that fine wine,
Money, power- Irrelevant,
as long as I have that glass of wine for the rest of time,
You see, beer, liquor, even champagne can't come close to my fine wine,
My fine wine is mature,
My fine wine has the aroma of the ocean air mixed with heavens gates,
My fine wine is dark yet lovely, spicy yet sweet, strong yet stable,
I'm an alcoholic when it comes to my fine wine,
for I'll never, no not ever get enough,
Bottled on January 3rd, 1969,
My fine wine is cultivated,
My fine wine is timeless.

Open your eyes...

The darkness surrounds me,
Black as night.
The darkness surrounds me,
Cloaking me in fright.
Blind am I, they like to say,
Because they see colors, and the light of day.
Blind I'm not,
Blind are you!
For you see blue, orange, and pink. And I see black, dark , and grays.
But I see souls, spirits, and more.
I do not judge on appearance,
Which is what you do.
I judge through speech, thought, and intellect.
I look within,
And you are without.
I feel your heart, I hear your breath, I appreciate life.
You see my eyes, look down my thighs, you appreciate sight.
You know the outer.
I know the inner.
You know the body.
I know the soul.
Blind am I. No.
Blind are you. 

This is ME

Black, gold, and green. My beautiful nationality. I came from chains. Tightly bound at my hands and feet. I came from bloody backs, and raised wounds. I came from fighters and warriors. I was born into oppression, hatred, and racism. As soon as I came out of the womb, my role in society was pre-determined. I would be known as nigger to those who don't who I am. I would be known as less than to those who don't know who I am. I would be known as a threat to those who don't know who I am. I would be known as a harlot to those who don't know who I am. I would be known as a thief for those who don't know who I am. All of these pre- conceived notions on who I am, makes me wonder,  what I am supposed to be? Who are you, to tell me who I am. Before I breathed my first breath, I had a history attached to me. As I grow, the past stays with me, but it doesn't define who I am. It's a reminder of why it's necessary for me to be the best in my field. To accomplish things my ancestors would not have been able to conceive. They were tortured, beaten, raped, for us to stop the cycle of letting our oppressers, oppress. I am a new generation. I will achieve more, I will do more, I am more. The ones who came before me granted me that opportunity. I will not, can not disappoint. I am an innovator, you will not forget my name. My mind is full of potential, that needs to be released.  My ideas are new, they are an original. I am an original. When God made me, the winds sang my name in a harmonic melody, and the earth smiled with beautiful bliss. I am his creation, I am from Him. I am a soul, in a spiritual plane we call life. I am a roamer, roaming this plane for a partner to ride with. I wander aimlessly, lonely, scared, and empty. I romanticize the day where I'll be in a fellowship with him and Him.  I am the living, I am the dead. I feel life but I near death. With each breath I take, I am closer to my last. Death is no fear of mine, for we know that one day it's going to happen to everybody. The fear I have is life. What was I meant to be. Who was I meant to be? Am I not black enough or am I too black? Will I maintain wealth or will my finances turn on me. Life is a mystery. Death is set in stone. I am the thinker, the thinking, the thought. I think of what is and what could be. I am the thinking because my mind is  engaged in random chatter. I am the thought because I one day aspire to be in you and others mind. I yearn to become unforgettable in the most literal sense of the word. For I am not Bevin and Sandra Salmon's daughter, I am Zara Salmon, a woman who will be soon hard to forget.

Other than.....

Bang! Another black man dead in the street. Another cop, walking around proud, knowing that he is protected through the law. Why is it that our lives are worth nothing in America? Why is it that as a seventeen year old adolescent I am already in fear of what my un-conceived son will have to face being a black man in America? Why is it that we face racial profiling, self-hate and unaware incompetent racists? The existence of racism in America is beyond factual. The people who say otherwise have obviously never experienced the mental exhaustion of being something other in America.

In commencement, living in the United States of America, if you are black especially if you are a man of color, you will most likely experience racial profiling in your life. The case we know all too well is a story of seventeen year old Trayvon Martin. This is just an average day for some minority men in America. They are followed around in shopping centers, offices, and upper-class neighborhoods. In America the fear of the unknown is at the point that our men are at the brink of death every time they step outside. The portrayal of black men in the media has become increasingly negative since the insurgece of the hip hop community came onto the scene. Do not misunderstand, hip- hop is a beautiful craft, poetry at best. This all the outsiders see us as though. They do not see the doctors, politicians, outside of Obama, lawyers, activists, all of the prominent black men that form  our society. So, because of popular belief, those same politicians, professors, and doctors will get racially profiled, stopped and patted down when all they're doing is driving home from a long shift. We are profiled as animals; specifically, gorillas. The Vogue photoshoot prove this. Photo editors used the King Kong movie poster as a model. Even if we take away the obvious relation to King Kong, we still get an angry faced black man, armed with a smiling white woman. Also take notice of the clothes, this portrait portrays to the customers of Vogue magazine that a good majority of black men play basketball and it is innate for us to have all this anger within us. This proves that racism still exist even if its sneakiest forms.  

Continuing on, in America black people are having an issue with self hate.  We are letting the seed that the media plants in our head get to us. We are losing our identities, in the process neglecting the fact that our main goal is trying to unite our race. All over social media there has been a wave of, #teamlightskin/ #teamdarkskin/ #teambrownskin. What happened to the Angela Davis afros, the black and proud chants heard so often through the 1960s and 1970s? We are dividing our race and whilst we do that caucasians are laughing and we are giving them a reason to laugh! We will never conquer the race issue if we continue to split our race into subraces. Since the early twentieth century there have been advertisements that have been broadcasting that having dark skin in society automatically means you're less than. This issue began many years prior. We as Africans, are naturally very dark skinned. It was through intermixing of the races that the variety in our complexions came about. Unfortunately, our ancestors were more likely than not, raped and impregnated by white men. So as Africans magically became lighter and lighter, it was the fair complexioned slaves that were chosen to work in the house. The dark skinned ones were subjected to the field. This may be where the irrational notion that light skin is better came from. Not only did they get to work in the cool walls of the mansion, but they were more accepted by the whites. In 2013, people still have the mentality that one skin tone is inferior to the other. It is sad that 400+ years later, we still have this idea putting a division in our race. Racism does not only exist from the outer forces, but from the forces within as well.

Furthermore, in Jenny Yamato's writing, she had mentioned a form of racism she called unaware racism. Adding to the idea of that, these unaware races may also be ill-informed or do not care to be informed.  From my own personal collection of going to a predominantly white school, I have been called nigger too many times to count. In my speech, I refrain from using the word nigger, in public settings. My argument to that is that if you don't hear me say nigger, then what would give you the inclination that it is okay to use it around me? Unsurprisingly, that has not worked. I would say the things that hurt the most are the words that come from my peers, that up until high school they treated me like a regular person, and not just a black person. "It's okay to be a black man in society because lots of girls like black guys, but it's not okay to be a black girl", that was coming from a 'friend'. My favorite was, "Why don't you just wear weave all the time, you're real hair is ugly", also from a 'friend'. Should I get mad and unleash the stereotypical angry black woman, or should I try to educate the ill-informed? I've tried the ladder, and have been told I'm overreacting. So instead, I keep it inside and break down every few months. It is unfortunate that I let these unaware peoples words get to me, but as illiterate as they are I do let them inside. My school is nothing compared to what little Ruby Bridges must have felt. Norman Rockwell crafted her struggle so perfectly in his painting. The unaware/ ill-informed part of the painting was the part we couldn't see. The person who threw the tomato was not aware or did not care that black children have just as much as right to learn as their white counterparts. They were numb to the fact that they were mentally scarring a six year old child for what could possibly be the rest of her life. Racism is based off of fear. They fear that if we give blacks the same education as whites, we may prosper and become something other than sharecroppers and house maids. Many still have this fear of the unknown. Racism is still an issue that is still relevant and of vast importance.

In conclusion, racism is still here. It is evident through the racial profiling, the self-hate we continue to harbor, and unaware/ ill- informed racist. As a member of the black race, I suggest we join together and beat this infection, find a cure for this disease. We must mend a world where our grandchildren do not have to worry about being shot based off of what they're wearing and the color underneath their clothes. We must start with us though. We must eliminate the holes in our own race. So one day, we can once and for all rid ourselves of the negative connotations of being black in America.