Wednesday, April 16, 2014

The Man Within

Release me from this body,
This entrapment,
These breasts.
Slice off this makeup,
Remove my dress.
Fuck this bloody curse,
These widened hips,
My sultry lips.
My worth,
IS NOT
Between my thighs
YOU BETTER,
Look up,
Watch your eyes,
Before I count to three,
One, two…..
Barefoot and pregnant,
Is that all I am?
Legs open,
At his call.
It’s all yours, so his
Never mine.
Fuck this.
Scalp me bald,
Starch,
Naked.
Dress me in a suit,
Let me grow my beard,
What are you afraid of?
Seeing that there is a woman in here.
A different kind of woman,
Not dainty, never frail.
My femininity doesn’t define,
My masculine side neither.
The man within me,
Is not the woman without.
A gown on one day,
Slacks the next.
I am woman, Hear Me ROAR!
I will never be,
Just a common whore.
The man is within me,
The woman,
Without.
I am not without a woman,
Even when I am a man.
Without,
A doubt.

School's Got Me Like....

My hell,
My Pastel Pink Hell. 
Blanched Walls Never End,
This Is The Place Where I’ve Been Sent,
For Crimes Unknown,
Victims Not Told.
Snapping Tails, High Heels,
Screaming Men, Muscular Build.
Where Am I, In This Group?
Why Am I Here,
Never There,
Always Scared,
To Make A Move,
To Utter A Sound.
Stealing Our Souls,
Our Ideas,
My Potential,
Teachers, Some
Not All.
Pale Faces,
With The Occasional Spot.
Brick Walls, White Washed,
Brain Washed.
Creativity Gone,
Where’d She Go?
I Don’t Know.
There Is No Beauty Here,
I Feel Like I’m In Hell.
Melting Down,
Touch The Ground,
Fading Away,
Faded.
No Color,
No Life,
Just Plain.
Death.
Out of Sight.
And The Saddest Thing Is,
I Am One Of Them,
It’s My Fault Too.
I Am Their Hell,
They are Mine,
I Am Theirs.
I Am Who I Fear,
I Fear What I Hate.
School.
Hell.
Blank.
Slate

Wednesday, April 9, 2014

ShallowBreathsZeroThoughtsPureBliss

I wrote this poem based off of the woman's view of what is going on and what she is feeling in this photograph. 

Our fingers intertwined,
mine eyes,
locked.
The sun beats down,
heating my face.
Scarlet,
 my cheeks.
Huh-hmm, huh-hmm,
His soft shallow breaths,
are cool,
icy,
on my neck.
Huh-hmm, huh-hmm.  
I receive a lovely blaze from the eternally evanescent sun,
and an internal fire smolders with the love that I acquire from him.
A faint musk,
Strong,
oak,
invades my nares.
I welcome it.
I welcome him.
My toes curl in the prickly, piney grass,
The blades play with each toe.
I feel an overwhelming sensation of happiness, heat, and beyond.
My thick coils nestle on his strength.
He protects me from the world,
protects me from myself.
Dainty fingers find its way into his locks.
My dials swirl in the thick black matte, entrapping me almost.
Almost.
It feels like feathers,
light and airy.
It feels like sunshine,
heated and happy.
It looks like night,
dark and promising.
I’m enveloped in a thick pink haze,
All around me.
All around us,
just us.
Buzzing bees bzzzzz through the air.
Its buzzzzz sending me vibrations,
elations.
It struggles to soak up the pink hazes center,
Slurffup,
I imagine when it drinks.
Slurffup, slurffup.
I taste without my tongue.
Ambrosial honey suckle, with hints of spice.
The heated sun,
His fingered feather hair,
My tickly toe mates,
Please let me stay,
there,
here.
Huh-hmm, Huh-hmm, huh-hmm, huh-hmmmmmm

Friday, February 7, 2014

Untitled (How Does It Feel?)

My affection aches for what never was,
A moment in time, forever set on repeat.
Your skin was so soft,
beneath my weight.
Your freckles danced,
with each movement of your face.
What did I fear?
Why was I scared?
I loved you.
I liked you.
I knew you.
I was you.
Mine eyes reflected yours,
in a gaze of pure innocence.
I had nothing to abhor,
for that I am sure.
You gave me your all,
you wanted my hand.
I need you know,
I needed you then.
Your scent was that of the ocean,
a wonderful elixir of pungent salt,
nice and fresh.
Passion in your eyes,
so brazen, so bold.
You are so beautiful.
You were so serene.
I need you now.
I needed you then
My carcass betrayed me.
It absconded me from you.
I can not take back,
the actions I took.
I want to retract the things that I said.
A break in time,
destined for enchantment,
lifted from me,
by my own apprehension.

Friday, January 17, 2014

Neglect Me

My eyes are closed in a deep despair.
I am desperate to leave,
I cannot be here.
In the system, institutionalized.
No mind, no soul, no break, no breath.
Just another body meandering through space.
Just another face, that will soon be forgotten.
I hate the life, I'm forced to live.
I cannot take the lies, the meaningless fibs.
I am in a blue blur.
I cannot stand.
I cannot think.
I am robotic, a mechanical tink.
I live day to day, hour to hour,
depressed and confused.
Am I not someone,
am I not anyone.
There use to be hope, in these blue blur eyes.
There use to be fire, in this long dimmed soul.
But now I know, we are all the same.
Our lives mean nothing.
Ain't that a shame.
I am you and you are me which is we.
And all we are, all I am.
Is just a different stroke of grey,
in these fifty shades.

Friday, October 4, 2013

Désolé

I'm sorry you have to look at me,
it's my deepest regret.
You do not deserve, a face such as this,
In your peripherals,
unhinging your bliss.
How do you not flee with terror, 
when I lazily come near.
Do I not ruin your day,
when I happen to stare?
Ruddy skin,
scuzzy and drab.
Craters intrude,
on my already mishapped mask.
DON'T YOU DARE TELL ME I'M PRETTY!
For I know this is a lie.
Don't give me false hope,
when I already want to die.
The truth hurts, but I've learned to take it.
Ugly am I, has become an understatement.
My disfigurement is beginning to flame,
with embarasement and shame.
My dark portals spring a leak,
salty and strained.
Why do they continue to taunt me,
for circumstances beyond my control?
God made me this way,
so he must make mistakes....
Albeit, it may be a blessing,
one marvelously clothed.
I don't have to look in the mirror, I don't have to look at myself. 
Yet, you my unfortunate peers do not have that choice.
You are cursed into looking into this face, damned into looking into this soul.
What's painful for me,
must be unbearable for you.
I am truly sorry that you have to look at me,
I apologize for the agony I may evoke.
I am sorry you have to look at me,
I pray for an invisible cloak.

 

Tuesday, October 1, 2013

Lunch Alone

This year is the first year since seventh grade (5 years), that I've been eating lunch by myself. It sucks sometimes, but at least I get to eat as messy as I want without random stares! Or are they staring at me either way because I've become the freak that eats lunch alone??? Hmm......

Munch, munch,
Bite, bite,
Chew, chew.
Swallow,
repeat.
Nothing in between.
Staring at the blood brick wall.
Picking up the intricate detail.
Realizing the pointed  precision.
A trait that you would fail to perceive, if pale white skin, dirty blond hair, or dark green eyes were reflecting yours.
You pick through the greens, reds, and purple flecks on your plate.
You put more thoughts into motions, for fear of losing some of the normalcy you may still contain.
Only a freak sits by herself.
A plague to be avoided,
is that what I became?
Voices surround you, none of them yours.
Voices surround you, they don't want you to be heard. 
Pangs of jealousy for those with friends,
Pangs of heartache, for your solitude will never end.  
Life of a loner, 
Isolated,
Content.
For I'd rather eat lunch alone for the rest of all time,
If it means avoiding meaningless chats and pointless rhymes.