OJ

 If I did it I'd let the shrapnel explode into my brain, making it fuzzy bringing in the haze..

If I did it there would be nothing left of me. I'd incinerate my body. The stink of my burning flesh would be gone in the blaze before anyone could know the truth.

If I did it, I'd make it look like I'd disappear, I ran away. Ran away in a blaze of glory. I'd want them to think I'm selfish and silly, not sullen and drear.

I wouldn't want people to know that I lost my battle with depression, that I'd lost my battle to myself.

If I did it, I wouldn't have kids nor a partner nor a mother, father, sister or brother. Those are the people I'd hate to hurt, I'd be sad to leave behind.

If I did it my mental state would be akin to where I'm at now. Feeling drear, feeling drab.

But I wouldn't.

I couldn't.

Heartbreak and Hurt

 I feel so detached, my mental health lapsed

I feel hatred, an emotion that I thought was long gone from my spirit.

A hatred that permeates my mind and envelops my soul.

I feel sadness, which isn't new but it is rare. It's the type of sadness that will leave me crying on the floor in a state of despair.

I feel anger, I feel rage, I feel hate, I feel hate.

Nothing I conjure will heal my hurting heart.

Nothing I say will mend my open wounds.

Nothing I do, will bring me the peace I need to move on.

Except for actually moving on.

Second by second, minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day...I must move on.

Hating you is hurting me. Not because you don't deserve it but because I don't deserve it.

This hate is consuming me and turning me into someone I don't like.

This hate feels so foreign, so vile, so evil, so disgusting...so good?

I'm feeding into the negative energies that promote death and destruction in this world.

Miss Queen of Positivity can only see red until you are dead?

I hate this version of myself...I hate what you brought out of me but I can't blame you forever for being...you.

The hate you give, will always come back to you.

The hate I give, leaves me anxious, saddened and scared.

Who am I becoming, what have I done?

Who am I becoming, what have I done?

It's not too late to change the course that I am on.

It's not too late to turn that negative energy into the fuel I need to propel me to the moon.

It's not too late to move on and never look back.

It's not too late to remove this hatred from my heart and replace it with love.

It's not too late but I must move with intention.

My intention is to be loving, my intention is to

be pure.

I intend to forgive but never forget...

It's not too late to turn this ship around.

I owe it to myself...I've worked too hard to lose myself for the sake of you.

I owe it to my family... they've worked too hard to lose me for the sake of you.

Love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love

Surround myself with love until that's all that I feel. Surround myself with love until it starts to feel real.

I deserve better, I deserve love but first, I must move on and embody the love I want to be through my actions and intentions.

I deserve better, I deserve love...but to receive that real love, I must move on in a real loving way towards others and towards myself.

I will not allow this hate to consume me nor will I allow the rage. It's time to move on with love. It's time to move on with light. It's time to move on...

Plant Man

Before we could talk and before we could walk,

Your love nurtured and nourished us.

Before we could breathe, Before we could think

There was you & your love patiently waiting for your pumpkin dreams to manifest into reality.

Before we were a thought, Before we were born

You had already touched so many people with your love of the Lord, your love for your church, and your love for family.

Yet your love knew no limits nor had any restrictions. Your love is infinite, your love is real, and your love will be felt for generations to come through your legacy.

A seed planted in 1932, bore the most beautiful fruit until 2022.

Our loss is the Lord's gain. While we may be sad and crying, the angels are singing and sighing. Their precious Ed is home..he completed his work, his journey finally over.

He worked hard, hoping it'll pay off for his little ones at home.

He didn't have a high school education but he made sure that ALL 5 of his did!

He knew moving to England then to America would not be easy but it would be worth it. Anything was worth it when he looked into little Courtney, Bevin, Colissa, Curtis, and Glenda's big beautiful eyes that mirrored his own. He would do anything for those precious young souls.

And now, he's doing everything in the spiritual realm to protect those 5 children, 8 grandchildren, and 2 great-grandchildren, the beings that will always be babies to him.

To his wife Gloria Madge, that he was madly in love with until his last day in the physical - Love transcends death, and the love that you all have, can still be felt in this room, as it's why we're all here.

Though his physical form is gone, so is the pain.

Though we've experienced a loss, please remember, this is heaven's gain.

He gave back to his family, his church and his earth. For this, God said "you've worked hard son, come rejoice with me in a garden that knows no thorns or weeds. Just sunshine, fruit, and spiritual melodies."

Thank-you grandpa for your guiding example.

Thank-you grandpa for your loving grace.

Thank-you grandpa for raising the man I love most on this Earth.

Thank-you grandpa for always putting your family first.

I am because you are. I know love because you had so much to give.

Just like a seed planted in 1932, I pray that we continue to experience your everlasting fruit.

Dedicated to Edbert Seymoure Salmon, 1932-2022

Humanity

Good Morning! 

I woke up so it is a good morning.

The sunrays rise, they rise, Good Morning!

The air breathes *take a deep breath*  LIFE 

*breathe* Life onto the trees so they can dance, dance, dance, 

*breathe* Life onto the deer so they can prance, prance, prance, 

*breathe* Life onto the ants so they can till, till, till, 

*breathe* And life onto us, so that we can kill, kill, kill

Good Morning, 

Good Morning, and I awake and I see another life gone due to someone’s complexion, sexuality, or morality. 

I can’t wipe away this skin,

I can’t uncoil my hair, 

I can’t break my nose, thin my lips, or change my voice, 

I can’t,

I don’t 

And I won’t. 

We are more than the skin we are in, 

We are more than the flesh that shrouds are being, 

are hearts,

and our souls. 

This, 

This does not matter, this will die, and this won’t be here forever. 

What lies within is what matters, what lies within is what’s going to be here for whatever is beyond, and then what? 

What’s going to happen, when we stand before the being that created us all,

What’s going to happen when we stand before, he, she, they, it, them GOD!

And our labels are stripped from us.

There will be no Christians, no Muslims, no Jews, Democrats, Republicans,

rich , poor, gays, straights, blacks, or whites. 

Just You and whatever lies within.

Can you say you were a good person? 

Can you say that you didn’t let arbitrary labels affect you? 

In the past, I couldn’t and I did.

But there’s a reason why we all have a heart, and there’s a reason why we all have a brain, and there’s a reason why our insides all look the same, 

WE BLEED AS ONE!

And when I die or transcend, or whatever you want to call it, 

I want to leave the physical realm the way I came in. 

I want to leave the physical realm without malice in my heart,

I want to leave filled with love, and nothing more. 

I am a proud, proud black woman, 

But I am also more than the labels we created tens of thousands of years ago.

I am LOVE! 

We all descend from love!

We are all in this interconnected web of love but we are too entangled in the physical realm to see that. 

Strip me away from my clothes, 

Strip me away from my possessions,

Strip me away from the number in my bank account, 

And strip me away from my brown, black skin and will you finally see what’s within? 

When you hold a baby…when I hold my baby one day, 

All I will see is love in my arms and feel love in my heart 

And that, that is the secret of life

And that is what we are here for, TO LOVE! 

We have to fight against the negativity, the racism, the bias, the sexism, zionism, homophobia, and intolerance of the physical realm and just spread what we were born with…

And that is the purest,

Most earnest, 

Most beautiful form of LOVE,

And if we do that, then, and only then, will we be alright.

Good Morning…

Self Hatred

Poison slowly slit my wrists slice my throat
Pause. Stab. Stop. I hate you for what you reflect and who you project. Walk past, don't taunt me. Kill me fuck me. ONE TIME THING A. FUNSHO RAPED ME.ONE TIME THING. SLUTTTY RAG DOLL STUPID UGLYBITCH.  diediediediediediediediediediediediediediediediediediediediediediediedieslutdi
noonewilllever want you you ugly slutyou became the slut she said you were going to become
YOU ALWAYS WERE THE SLUT I AM A DIRYRTY FILTHY SLUT WHORE. I AM DISGUSTING I AM NOTHING, NO ONEOTHING NOONE NOTHING NOONE NONE NONE SLUT NOONE NOONE NONENONENONENONENONENONENONENJONEONOENEOJ and you can have it all. my empire of dirt  i will let you down i will make you hurt if icould start again a million miles away i would keep myself i would find away.


pussy is pussy. thats what i am thats what you are. im not human just pussy when noones around and a mouth to suck his dick when it needs to be sucked. a one-time crazy ass bitch thing...

try fucking someone in the daylight when the beer goggles are removed and they can see you for the disgusting filth you are. it wont ever happen. it will never happen. you will never happen. you are so  ugly so disgusting so ugly ugly ugly ugly ugly ugly ugly ugly ugly ugly uly ugly ugly ugly ugly ugly uglyuglyugly ugly ugly ugly uly ugly ugly uly uly ugly ugly uly ugly ugly ugly ugly ulyuugly uly ugly ugly ugly ugly ugly ugly

please die.

Her

So, I've never been in love. Anyone who knows me will know that my experience with people of the opposite sex is pretty limited. I like guys but they don't really seem to like me.

This makes for a very awkward situation when your favorite thing to write about is love. *sighhhhh*

Luckily, I could put my feet into the shoes of the many individuals who are lucky enough to find love. Today my feet are in Majid Jordan's shoes. For my Creative Writing class my assignment was to write about a life changing experience. Personally, I think a life changing experience is when one falls in love. Soooo I listened to the song "Her" by Majid Jordan quite few times and wrote this short story for my creative writing class. Let me know what you think and if I got the essence of love right because sadly I'm not drawing from my own experience but simply my imagination.

Her

Red lipstick stained the white teacup that once held her favorite herbal tea. He lifted the cup and inhaled. The quiet scent of chamomile reminded him of her soft kisses before bed when their love intertwined. He smiled. Just the thought of her made his heart flutter and his breath hasten but somehow he still felt at ease.

Majid had, had many girlfriends in the past but she was so different from the rest. The day he first saw her remains among his favorite memories. She had been studying the many individuals that were hurriedly making their way through New York City on a Monday morning. Her brows furrowed as she mentally took notes of each one of her fleeting subjects. Her long ombred locs were in a multi-colored headwrap that made her smooth cocoa complexion pop from beneath. It was then that her gaze met his. Unlike most, she didn’t look away nor did her facial expression change. She was studying him and him her. He could not say who broke the gaze or if the gaze was ever truly broken. He only knew that from that day on, his world would be forever changed.

A playful husky voice snuck up behind him, “Majid, come back to bed.” Her tiny arms embraced him from behind. He grasped onto her silky, swarthy skin. Her lips nuzzled into his neck taking in his scent, taking in him. The sensation sent an erratic burst of electricity throughout his body. He turned around and hoisted her onto the counter so they could be eye to eye. She wore a crisp white towel and nothing else. Her disheveled hair hung low on her hips. Outside of faintly smudged, red lipstick, her face was bare. She looked so beautiful.

“You look so beautiful.”

Her huge brown eyes looked up into his and that was the moment he knew that he could stay here forever, with her, looking at her, being with her. She wasn’t like the rest because he needed her. The taste of chamomile enveloped his mouth and sent his soul into a deep trance of ecstasy that made him one with her, his love.  

I Don't Know

So, an assignment I had for Creative Writing was to write a 100 word story using only 1 syllable words. I had wrote this first but decided to go with the other one because I really want to develop this into a story. Even though it's pretty crappy (I know, it's okay) right now, I think it may work one day as a story. So until I finish the story, I'll keep this crappy short story on the blog. 

As I sit here and wait for dawn to break and for the night sky to sigh bye.

Tears well and my cheeks puff red like a big red bean.

I don’t want him here.

I cry, I sigh.

He cracks my mind and makes me think about the things I don’t want to know.

I don’t want to know my fears, the things that scare me the most.

“You feel marred in your core”

“Be gone, leave!”

“I can’t.”

“Why?”

“You will hurt yourself.”

“Please just let me be.”

“Don’t hurt yourself”

“Please”

“For when you do, you hurt me”