OJ

 If I did it I'd let the shrapnel explode into my brain, making it fuzzy bringing in the haze..

If I did it there would be nothing left of me. I'd incinerate my body. The stink of my burning flesh would be gone in the blaze before anyone could know the truth.

If I did it, I'd make it look like I'd disappear, I ran away. Ran away in a blaze of glory. I'd want them to think I'm selfish and silly, not sullen and drear.

I wouldn't want people to know that I lost my battle with depression, that I'd lost my battle to myself.

If I did it, I wouldn't have kids nor a partner nor a mother, father, sister or brother. Those are the people I'd hate to hurt, I'd be sad to leave behind.

If I did it my mental state would be akin to where I'm at now. Feeling drear, feeling drab.

But I wouldn't.

I couldn't.