Heartbreak and Hurt

 I feel so detached, my mental health lapsed

I feel hatred, an emotion that I thought was long gone from my spirit.

A hatred that permeates my mind and envelops my soul.

I feel sadness, which isn't new but it is rare. It's the type of sadness that will leave me crying on the floor in a state of despair.

I feel anger, I feel rage, I feel hate, I feel hate.

Nothing I conjure will heal my hurting heart.

Nothing I say will mend my open wounds.

Nothing I do, will bring me the peace I need to move on.

Except for actually moving on.

Second by second, minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day...I must move on.

Hating you is hurting me. Not because you don't deserve it but because I don't deserve it.

This hate is consuming me and turning me into someone I don't like.

This hate feels so foreign, so vile, so evil, so disgusting...so good?

I'm feeding into the negative energies that promote death and destruction in this world.

Miss Queen of Positivity can only see red until you are dead?

I hate this version of myself...I hate what you brought out of me but I can't blame you forever for being...you.

The hate you give, will always come back to you.

The hate I give, leaves me anxious, saddened and scared.

Who am I becoming, what have I done?

Who am I becoming, what have I done?

It's not too late to change the course that I am on.

It's not too late to turn that negative energy into the fuel I need to propel me to the moon.

It's not too late to move on and never look back.

It's not too late to remove this hatred from my heart and replace it with love.

It's not too late but I must move with intention.

My intention is to be loving, my intention is to

be pure.

I intend to forgive but never forget...

It's not too late to turn this ship around.

I owe it to myself...I've worked too hard to lose myself for the sake of you.

I owe it to my family... they've worked too hard to lose me for the sake of you.

Love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love

Surround myself with love until that's all that I feel. Surround myself with love until it starts to feel real.

I deserve better, I deserve love but first, I must move on and embody the love I want to be through my actions and intentions.

I deserve better, I deserve love...but to receive that real love, I must move on in a real loving way towards others and towards myself.

I will not allow this hate to consume me nor will I allow the rage. It's time to move on with love. It's time to move on with light. It's time to move on...