A Letter to My God Daughter on Her 1st Birthday

 My darling Kata,

Today is your 1st birthday!

When I first met your mommy in 2014 it was like an instant connection. I don't connect with people easy at allllll but with Sahilia Ramirez, she was a safe space before I knew I needed one. She was the only person at Wheaton that I could be my full, unfiltered, unhinged self with. She never judged me at times I was judging myself and for moments I KNEW I was in the wrong. She was one of the people to show me what unconditional love looks in a friendship...and she was the first person to make me hug a tree...

And then I met you. Nearly 10-years from the date I met your mommy you arrived, and similar to meeting your mommy, the connection and love I felt for you was instantaneous. I am so blessed that I got to hold you at 3-days old and honored that our birthdays are within the same week. My Leo niece, please know that you are surrounded by love wherever you go. You have a village that loves you and will kill somebody if need be. On the eve of your 1st birthday, I write this with love, thank you for incarnating into this lifetime and making my life so much more full. You are a princess who will one day rise to a queen but in the meantime, please know, I got you. I can't wait to be the rich auntie that spoils you with whatever you want, but in the meantime, I'll spoil you with my love.

To Sahilia and Kevin, thank you for creating love through your own love. You all inspire me to be a parent but to wait until I find a love that will be worth the journey. You both are doing a beautiful job guiding your angel Earth side. Thank you for choosing me to be the madrina. I will hold this honor dear for the rest of all time and will always be right by your side.

Happy 1st Birthday Kata and congratulations on surviving and excelling at your first year of parenthood Sahilia and Kevin.

Love you guys always,

Zara

The 'N' Word

 What does nigger mean to you?

Merriem-Webster defines it as an insulting and contemptuous term for a Black person

OR an insulting and contemptuous term for a member of any dark-skinned race

OR  a member of a class or group of people who are systematically subjected to discrimination and unfair treatment.

Since there are no black-owned dictionaries just yet, I guess we'll go with that.

So, what does nigger mean to you?

For me, nigger is a trigger.

As a young black kid, you learn that nigger has several meanings, some of which juxtapose.

And as a proud, black kid, you learn to never let anyone call you a nigger, especially someone you don't know.

But what happens when you move to a town where your selectwoman is rumored to be part of the KKK....shout out to Bethany, CT

What happens when your 7th grade English teacher permits kids to use nigger because 'it's literature'...but you're the only black kid in the class...shout out to Mrs. Gamble.

And then in high school when the only time the popular kids would speak to you was to scream 'nigger' and laugh...Shout out to Amity.

Or on your first winter break home from college, a 6 foot 5 Israeli guy is chanting nigger all night long and when you ask him to stop he tells you to 'chill nigger' so you accidentally spill a drink in his face...oops. He then tries to charge at you, says a quick sorry when his friends calm him down but shortly after sexual assaults you when you fall asleep on the couch....what happens then?

Shout out to Shlomi Davidi....

If you've never experienced the full weight of the word nigger in a moment of terror, why would you use it in a moment of joy?

If you've never been scared for the safety of your sister who is forced to continue working after a white male stranger screams nigger to her face, why would you use it in jest?

If you've never shed a tear for ancestors who heard the word nigger right before the tree branched snapped from the weight of America's picnics, then why the fuck are you using the word.

I don't know if this is a poem or a vent session I'm forcing you all to listen to but I'm so s sick and tired of hearing non-black people use that word.

To my Hispanics who are not and have never identified as Afro-Latino, stop.

To my Asians who are not blended with the mixture of Jhene, Kimora, Naomi, or Kaeruche, stop.

To my whites who love black music but not black people, stop.

Yes, some black people do not care if you use the word just like some gays do not care about the 'F' word or Asians the 'C' word, or Jews the 'K' word, or Mexicans, the 'W' word....but others...others will make that word the last word you ever did say.

Because... they were triggered.

Guess My Favorite Animal

Majestic Magician Manifesting Matriarchy

Majestic Magician Manifesting Monogamy

Majestic Magician Manifesting Mystery

Majestic Magician Manifesting Manifestations

My favorite animal is the Majestic Magician.

The Majestic Magician comes in all sizes and colors; shapes and sounds.

They inhabit bodies, beautiful and round.

They take on roles; man, woman, human. Black, white, mixed.

They take on roles within roles, doctor, lawyer, accountant. Secretary, teacher, clerk.

They immerse themselves in this land of confusion forgetting who they are. Losing their magic.

Yes, my favorite animal is one that doesn't realize they're an animal at all.

It thinks these roles, responsibilities, and relationships they form are more important than their souls, consciousness, and nature that they neglect.

They forget that they are the chosen ones, the chosen animal, the Majestic Magician.

Yes they are on the ones who created the earth.

And they are the ones who manifested themselves

To nurture the nature that reminds them of their own.

The nature that’s one with spirit, one with planet,  one with love.

Love is that thing that connects us all, from dolphin to fish, cow to donkey, blade of grass to grass we smoke, we are one with it all. One with love, one with God, one with nature.

So to my favorite animals who are reading this poem, please remember who you are.

We are the Majestic Magician!

We are silly, we play, we drink, we eat, we fuck, we rest. Give your animalistic nature the love it deserves. Don't fall too deep into your character of human that you forget to manifest your magic.

So on the count of three, please roar with me. And don't forget to be silly and play, drink and eat, fuck and rest.

1.2.3 Roarrrrrrrrr