A Letter I Wrote on a Christmas Flight in 2023... Probably After Listening to Mariah

 This letter is to my future husband.

Whoever you are, you're probably really hot!

The warmth of your soul will fill every room you enter.

The sunshine in your heart will melt a hardened soul.

The light in your eyes will flicker when paired with mine.

And your body will radiate as the love between ours intertwine.

And outside of that, I'm manifesting a really nice ass sooo yea, my future hubby is really fucking hot!

I'm writing this letter to say I'm sorry it's taken so long,

It's just; I wasn't ready to fall in love with you because I had to fall in love with me first.

I had to fall in love with the little girl that played with rocks in lieu of friends.

I had to fall in love with the middle school girl that often ate lunch alone.

I had to fall in love with the high schooler who no one asked to prom.

And I had to fall in love with the young woman who experienced her first kiss and first sexual assault in the span of 24-hours, thrice more within a year and found a way to blame herself for each and every one.

For a long time, I didn't think anyone would truly love me for me especially not you so I had to say fuck it and fall in love with me first.

I fell in love with the woman that is often described as positive vibes😊

I fell in love with the woman who gets called angry when speaking on human rights.

I fell in love with the woman who requires time alone but still requests time with friends.

And I fell in love with the woman who spoke on a statewide stage, threw an event that was covered in  newspapers, won an advocacy award, and in that same week had a shut-off notice waiting at her door.

I fell head overheels for that QUEEN!

Because she's a survivor, she's a thriver, and she deserves to be loved unconditionally.

So this is my letter to my future husband, admitting that I want to get married ---the kids and the white picket fence too.

But not at the expense of losing her, just to gain you.

I love you Zara Ayanna Salmon. I'm still falling in love with you but girl, I love you.

And I love you future husband for accepting me for me; and I promise to do the same for you.

So to my hot ass husband and the only man I will call my baby zaddyyyy

If you fall in love with all of me...then baby, I'm ready for all of you.

I Don't Want to Love You

 I fall more in love with you the further I stray.

Because you without distraction,

Means me without distraction.

Both of our businesses bloom when we're apart.

Which makes the sapiosexual in me,

wish this shit didn't have to be so God damn hard.

But you have demons. And so do I.

And our attraction towards one another makes us dive deeper into a demonic cesspool of disgust and disdain.

Hating yourself, hating myself, hating me, hating you .

I feel like there was a time,

where our love wasn't so hard to intertwine.

In that lifetime, our timeline was  sooo divine.

I got to love you with ease, our hands interlocking in the breeze...

mine hand brushing your cheek,

they rose, ever so pleased.

But that time was eons ago, a lifetime times 2x.

In this lifetime the test was not to love you, but to leave you knowing in this life I'd never truly see you.

Your soul I know,

Your ego I don't.

Loving you means sleepless nights filled with anguish and pain,

sorrow and blame

and in time, maybe even bloody veins.

Oh my baby boy, my twin flame, my eternal love that I can't display.

I pray you peace

I pray your prosperity

But most of all I pray you divinity.

You are a divine being who has lost your path.

A beautiful soul, too broken to pass.

I love you J, I love you so.

But loving me, is letting me go.