Heartbreak and Hurt

 I feel so detached, my mental health lapsed

I feel hatred, an emotion that I thought was long gone from my spirit.

A hatred that permeates my mind and envelops my soul.

I feel sadness, which isn't new but it is rare. It's the type of sadness that will leave me crying on the floor in a state of despair.

I feel anger, I feel rage, I feel hate, I feel hate.

Nothing I conjure will heal my hurting heart.

Nothing I say will mend my open wounds.

Nothing I do, will bring me the peace I need to move on.

Except for actually moving on.

Second by second, minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day...I must move on.

Hating you is hurting me. Not because you don't deserve it but because I don't deserve it.

This hate is consuming me and turning me into someone I don't like.

This hate feels so foreign, so vile, so evil, so disgusting...so good?

I'm feeding into the negative energies that promote death and destruction in this world.

Miss Queen of Positivity can only see red until you are dead?

I hate this version of myself...I hate what you brought out of me but I can't blame you forever for being...you.

The hate you give, will always come back to you.

The hate I give, leaves me anxious, saddened and scared.

Who am I becoming, what have I done?

Who am I becoming, what have I done?

It's not too late to change the course that I am on.

It's not too late to turn that negative energy into the fuel I need to propel me to the moon.

It's not too late to move on and never look back.

It's not too late to remove this hatred from my heart and replace it with love.

It's not too late but I must move with intention.

My intention is to be loving, my intention is to

be pure.

I intend to forgive but never forget...

It's not too late to turn this ship around.

I owe it to myself...I've worked too hard to lose myself for the sake of you.

I owe it to my family... they've worked too hard to lose me for the sake of you.

Love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love

Surround myself with love until that's all that I feel. Surround myself with love until it starts to feel real.

I deserve better, I deserve love but first, I must move on and embody the love I want to be through my actions and intentions.

I deserve better, I deserve love...but to receive that real love, I must move on in a real loving way towards others and towards myself.

I will not allow this hate to consume me nor will I allow the rage. It's time to move on with love. It's time to move on with light. It's time to move on...

Plant Man

Before we could talk and before we could walk,

Your love nurtured and nourished us.

Before we could breathe, Before we could think

There was you & your love patiently waiting for your pumpkin dreams to manifest into reality.

Before we were a thought, Before we were born

You had already touched so many people with your love of the Lord, your love for your church, and your love for family.

Yet your love knew no limits nor had any restrictions. Your love is infinite, your love is real, and your love will be felt for generations to come through your legacy.

A seed planted in 1932, bore the most beautiful fruit until 2022.

Our loss is the Lord's gain. While we may be sad and crying, the angels are singing and sighing. Their precious Ed is home..he completed his work, his journey finally over.

He worked hard, hoping it'll pay off for his little ones at home.

He didn't have a high school education but he made sure that ALL 5 of his did!

He knew moving to England then to America would not be easy but it would be worth it. Anything was worth it when he looked into little Courtney, Bevin, Colissa, Curtis, and Glenda's big beautiful eyes that mirrored his own. He would do anything for those precious young souls.

And now, he's doing everything in the spiritual realm to protect those 5 children, 8 grandchildren, and 2 great-grandchildren, the beings that will always be babies to him.

To his wife Gloria Madge, that he was madly in love with until his last day in the physical - Love transcends death, and the love that you all have, can still be felt in this room, as it's why we're all here.

Though his physical form is gone, so is the pain.

Though we've experienced a loss, please remember, this is heaven's gain.

He gave back to his family, his church and his earth. For this, God said "you've worked hard son, come rejoice with me in a garden that knows no thorns or weeds. Just sunshine, fruit, and spiritual melodies."

Thank-you grandpa for your guiding example.

Thank-you grandpa for your loving grace.

Thank-you grandpa for raising the man I love most on this Earth.

Thank-you grandpa for always putting your family first.

I am because you are. I know love because you had so much to give.

Just like a seed planted in 1932, I pray that we continue to experience your everlasting fruit.

Dedicated to Edbert Seymoure Salmon, 1932-2022