I Think I Love My Life...

 I'm not trying to get married anymore,

I'd rather be perceived as a spinster or a whore.

It's not that I don't want to get married,

I'm just tired of living my life as if I will.

I'm tired of having hope on a first date,

When in reality we're both horny and not really looking for a mate. 

I'm tired of dating a man for three months, 

And pretending that it's something more than hedonistic fun. 

I'm tired of feeling bad about my body count,

Especially when I've had more orgasms than I could count.

I'm tired of feeling sparks fly,

When ultimately those butterflies are bound to die.

I'm tired of hoping and wishing for something that truly doesn't matter, 

When all of those negative experiences have left me worn and tattered.

Marriage is beautiful as is romantic love,

But I won't be less than if don't find any of the above.

So it's not that I don't want to get married because indeed I do.

I just hate living my life as if the ultimate goal is to say 'I do'

I want marriage because of partnership, security, and trust.

It's been hard for me to find that so now I must,

Focus on what's in front of me 

because God has blessed me abundantly.

Between my full scholarship to law school 

And my brand new car.

To my hefty 401k and my blooming wroth IRA

Why focus on what I lack when my ancestors have my back.

Between my mommy and my daddy who still consider me their baby

And my older sister who practically helped raise me

To my friends who give me grace when my mind is not in the right place,

And the current man I'm dating who likes to snuggle my face.

I can't be mad at the love I lack when I don't lack love at all.

And I can't be sad that I don't have a ring, especially when some marriages do seem kind of boring.

So it's not that I don't want to get married, I'm just tired of chasing it like it's the only thing that'll give me worth.

I'm 4-months away from turning 30 so I think it's time for my rebirth..

I want to heal from past trauma and accept myself with all of my quirks.

I want my bank account to increase so I can travel across the earth.

I want to break bread with the people I trust

And give in to allllll of my sinful lust.

I want to be happy if I'm single for the rest of my life and 

I want to be happy if I'm partnered until the day I die.

I want my happiness to come from within 

And not from an external factor such as a husband

So long tumultuous twenties, I bid thee adieu

To welcome my therapeutic thirties where I am renewed. 

I do deserve love but that love starts with me.

Because in truth, loving me is how I'll become happy. 

So I'm not TRYING to get married anymore, and I'm not chasing it either.

I'm focusing on me, and maybe HE will find SHE.

I'm Falling in Love With Her...

There's a curve in her smile that mirrors her hips
I love to see her talk, especially when she slowly licks her lips.

The way she walks is hypnotic,

And when she smiles at me I feel bionic. 

She's a goddess, an empress, a woman to be admired.  

I swear on my life, I'd fight for hers even when I'm tired.

She's wrapped in hot cocoa,

Sizzling and sexy.

Her hair stands up,

Defying nature and gravity.

She's a goddess, an empress, a woman to be admired. 

And until my dying death, I'll love her with fervor and fire.

Her intellect is potent,

She takes her time to learn in every moment.

I think I'm in love with this woman I've known all of my life,

Her name mirrors my own, that's how I know she's worth the hype.

There were times I hated her but I think I was just jealous,

Anytime she tried to pull herself up, I told her she was being over zealous 

She use to think she was pretty and I told her that was a lie

I told her life goes on without you, so it'd be better if you die

I regret all the times I spent putting myself down,

So moving forward, I'm going to look in the mirror and say 'Queen, pick up your crown'

I'm a goddess, an empress, a woman to be admired 

And to all my negative thoughts, it's time for you to retire.