Dear Johan

Am I pissed that you ghosted me, or am I pissed I didn't do it first?
I'm a petty bitch, so let's be clear, your dick was second to my worst. 

Your facial features were cute, I cannot tell a lie.
Your dimples were sexy, as were your green eyes.

Aside from that, though, your dick was trash.
It was so bad, it led me to Philly where I was showing my ass. 

I don't want to sound bitter, to be honest, I'm just hurt.
I thought you liked me a little bit, shit, I thought you knew my worth.

So it's on me that I made lunch for a man who didn't care.
And it's on me that I took you to new places and created moments for us to share. 

It was only a few weeks, so I'm not in despair,
I just wish you told me how you were feeling, instead of acting like I'm not rare. 

A gem, a beauty, a woman with class 
So, you kind sir, can kiss my ass. 

I Think I Love My Life...

I'm not trying to get married anymore,
I'd rather be perceived as a spinster or a whore.

It's not that I don't want to get married,

I'm just tired of living my life as if I will.

I'm tired of having hope on a first date,

When in reality we're both horny and not really looking for a mate. 

I'm tired of dating a man for three months, 

And pretending that it's something more than hedonistic fun. 

I'm tired of feeling bad about my body count,

Especially when I've had more orgasms than I could count.

I'm tired of feeling sparks fly,

When ultimately those butterflies are bound to die.

I'm tired of hoping and wishing for something that truly doesn't matter, 

When all of those negative experiences have left me worn and tattered.

Marriage is beautiful as is romantic love,

But I won't be less than if don't find any of the above.

So it's not that I don't want to get married because indeed I do.

I just hate living my life as if the ultimate goal is to say 'I do'

I want marriage because of partnership, security, and trust.

It's been hard for me to find that so now I must,

Focus on what's in front of me 

because God has blessed me abundantly.

Between my full scholarship to law school 

And my brand new car.

To my hefty 401k and my blooming wroth IRA

Why focus on what I lack when my ancestors have my back.

Between my mommy and my daddy who still consider me their baby

And my older sister who practically helped raise me

To my friends who give me grace when my mind is not in the right place,

And the current man I'm dating who likes to snuggle my face.

I can't be mad at the love I lack when I don't lack love at all.

And I can't be sad that I don't have a ring, especially when some marriages do seem kind of boring.

So it's not that I don't want to get married, I'm just tired of chasing it like it's the only thing that'll give me worth.

I'm 4-months away from turning 30 so I think it's time for my rebirth..

I want to heal from past trauma and accept myself with all of my quirks.

I want my bank account to increase so I can travel across the earth.

I want to break bread with the people I trust

And give in to allllll of my sinful lust.

I want to be happy if I'm single for the rest of my life and 

I want to be happy if I'm partnered until the day I die.

I want my happiness to come from within 

And not from an external factor such as a husband

So, so long tumultuous twenties, I bid thee adieu

To welcome my therapeutic thirties where I am renewed. 

I do deserve love but that love starts with me.

Because in truth, loving me is how I'll become happy. 

So I'm not TRYING to get married anymore, and I'm not chasing it either.

I'm focusing on me, and maybe HE will find SHE.

I'm Falling in Love With Her...

There's a curve in her smile that mirrors her hips
I love to see her talk, especially when she slowly licks her lips.

The way she walks is hypnotic,

And when she smiles at me I feel bionic. 

She's a goddess, an empress, a woman to be admired.  

I swear on my life, I'd fight for hers even when I'm tired.

She's wrapped in hot cocoa,

Sizzling and sexy.

Her hair stands up,

Defying nature and gravity.

She's a goddess, an empress, a woman to be admired. 

And until my dying death, I'll love her with fervor and fire.

Her intellect is potent,

She takes her time to learn in every moment.

I think I'm in love with this woman I've known all of my life,

Her name mirrors my own, that's how I know she's worth the hype.

There were times I hated her but I think I was just jealous,

Anytime she tried to pull herself up, I told her she was being over zealous 

She use to think she was pretty and I told her that was a lie

I told her life goes on without you, so it'd be better if you die

I regret all the times I spent putting myself down,

So moving forward, I'm going to look in the mirror and say 'Queen, pick up your crown'

I'm a goddess, an empress, a woman to be admired 

And to all my negative thoughts, it's time for you to retire.

Butterflies

I met someone who gives me butterflies.
Now I want him to rub his head between my thighs.

I want to feel his itchy locs scratch my punani

As I lament hastened breaths when he dives deeper into my tsunami.

I want him to start out gentle and slow,
"Now pick up the pace", I utter, "you are about to make me...oh" 

I roll my eyes as he salivates all over my aching body.
The body that aches for his touch, his love, his lust, his fuck.

I need him to bow down and drink this ambrosia from my fountain.
And love me so much I'm moaning his name as I'm drowning. 

I think he's sexy, I think he's fluff...I think he'll turn my world upside down after I take in his lust.

Ooo these men say they're ready for me,
But as I take in your aubergine tonight, are you sure that  you're ready for Z?

An Empress from the Caribbean aisles, autistic and bombastic. Mr. Fantastic! please take me on your ride 
I beg, as he slides....oooo he slides.

So as my mouth envelops your manhood 
And your manhood envelops my cunt.

You taste every inch of me as I'm crying because your member is just a little too much..

I'm not use to this sensation 
I'm not accustomed to our vibration.
But as I try something new tonight,
I'm getting used to your foundation.

You make me feel safe as I take you inside of me.
You promise to protect me from the predators alongside of she.

You give me space to be myself.
And you give you space to love yourself.
Is this magic, is this real?
Is this love or is he just tryna cop a feel.

I look forward to seeing how our love plays out… but in the meantime while we're young

Fuck me... and make love to my mouth.