Désolé

I'm sorry you have to look at me,
it's my deepest regret.
You do not deserve, a face such as this,
In your peripherals,
unhinging your bliss.
How do you not flee with terror, 
when I lazily come near.
Do I not ruin your day,
when I happen to stare?
Ruddy skin,
scuzzy and drab.
Craters intrude,
on my already mishapped mask.
DON'T YOU DARE TELL ME I'M PRETTY!
For I know this is a lie.
Don't give me false hope,
when I already want to die.
The truth hurts, but I've learned to take it.
Ugly am I, has become an understatement.
My disfigurement is beginning to flame,
with embarasement and shame.
My dark portals spring a leak,
salty and strained.
Why do they continue to taunt me,
for circumstances beyond my control?
God made me this way,
so he must make mistakes....
Albeit, it may be a blessing,
one marvelously clothed.
I don't have to look in the mirror, I don't have to look at myself. 
Yet, you my unfortunate peers do not have that choice.
You are cursed into looking into this face, damned into looking into this soul.
What's painful for me,
must be unbearable for you.
I am truly sorry that you have to look at me,
I apologize for the agony I may evoke.
I am sorry you have to look at me,
I pray for an invisible cloak.

 

Lunch Alone

This year is the first year since seventh grade (5 years), that I've been eating lunch by myself. It sucks sometimes, but at least I get to eat as messy as I want without random stares! Or are they staring at me either way because I've become the freak that eats lunch alone??? Hmm......

Munch, munch,
Bite, bite,
Chew, chew.
Swallow,
repeat.
Nothing in between.
Staring at the blood brick wall.
Picking up the intricate detail.
Realizing the pointed  precision.
A trait that you would fail to perceive, if pale white skin, dirty blond hair, or dark green eyes were reflecting yours.
You pick through the greens, reds, and purple flecks on your plate.
You put more thoughts into motions, for fear of losing some of the normalcy you may still contain.
Only a freak sits by herself.
A plague to be avoided,
is that what I became?
Voices surround you, none of them yours.
Voices surround you, they don't want you to be heard. 
Pangs of jealousy for those with friends,
Pangs of heartache, for your solitude will never end.  
Life of a loner, 
Isolated,
Content.
For I'd rather eat lunch alone for the rest of all time,
If it means avoiding meaningless chats and pointless rhymes.